Speaking Meaningful Vows On Your Wedding Day

Your happily ever after starts with your wedding vows. Think about it—without those wedding vows, the gown, flowers, cake, or even guests would not even be needed because there wouldn’t be anything to celebrate! Your vows become the center of the ceremony, and should be given much thought –after all, besides the “will you marry me?” and the reply, your vows will become the most important words you’ll ever speak, and hear between the two of you within your marriage. Things to consider:

·         How do I deliver these words in front of many people without sounding like a squeaking mouse?

·         Is there a way to prevent myself from passing out at the altar? (many grooms say they feel as if they are about to tip over as they watch their bride headed down the aisle, or when reciting their vows)

·         Am I a traditionalist or a modernist?

·         What do I want to promise? What does marriage mean to me? What do I see in our future? What do you bring into my life?

So then…remember those days of “public speaking 101” in college? How do you speak from the heart, knowing all eyes are on you, and be sure to get those words out in a way you intended them to? This is where a wedding planner can help. Not only can a wedding planner help with exploring options that exist (traditional, non-traditional, interfaith, religious, second marriages, blended families), or help with getting the creative juices flowing to write your own vows, but can also help with the preparation of the delivery of your vows—how you speak them is as important as what you say. I helped one shy groom overcome some obstacles so that when he recited his own vows, he captivated everyone within earshot, with everyone around getting a glimpse of who he was, what his family meant to him, and what his partner brought to his life that no one ever knew…tissues, please!

The face of all the world is changed, I think,
Since I first heard the footsteps of thy soul.
-Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Is this not impressive or what?! Think origami on steroids! The eclectic and fascinating website “Rose Pedals Vegan Weddings…Borrowed+Blue+Vegan Too” recently had a post on the current trend, paper bouquets! This post features some really talented Etsy floral bouquet artists, as well as a DIY link if you’re up for the Martha approach…My only concern: what do you do if it rains (paper will become pulp, or bleed on your dress??). Hmmm…Maybe have another one on hand, or don’t use it outdoors?! Would love to hear if anyone has ever used a paper bouquet!

http://www.rosepedalsveganweddings.com/a-paper-alternative-to-traditional-flower-bouquets/#.Ti8XLdMbb5F.email

Ahhh….Here it is at last, summertime! Fresh squeezed lemonade and watermelon, BBQ’s, lazy hours in the hammock, beach and pool-side fun, ice-cream runs to DQ, (oh, and my son asking if it’s not really his bedtime, since the summer sun is out longer). This is the enjoyable part of “being my own boss” and owning my own business, but sometimes, I have to chuckle…

I was recently at the bank, conducting “business” with the stately woman who was seated “behind the desk” (as opposed to the teller at the “counter”). As I was relinquishing what felt like my entire life’s worth of personal information, she discovered that I was a “wedding planner” and with a star-gazed expression and a dreamy-eyed stare, she proceeded to say “Oh, wow! Wedding Planning! That must be SOOOO much fun!” Don’t get me wrong—working intimately with couples on their most cherished and romantic day of their life is meaningful, but I don’t know if I’d necessarily label it “fun” (as opposed to what Summer is like in my first paragraph). It’s “work” nonetheless. Employment. Occupation. Profession. Career. It’s “going to work”, just as you do each and every day (except this is pretty much Mon-Fri AND weekends).

I just thought I would relate some “wedding tales” for those who may think what I do is not necessarily “work” (ahem, parents?). Or for those who have contacted me to inquire about assisting me or to become a wedding planner. Both bride and future wedding planner may enjoy my post about approaching the wedding industry from a business prospective, and what it entails
(Please note: I absolutely Love what I do and I DO supply the “fun” in what I do! These tales are full of humor!).

A Day In The Life Of A Wedding Planner:

• Meet with a prospective bride. Gush about all the details. Give professional presentation, including personalization of all the bride and groom’s names, review policy and wedding contract. Bride has glassed-over expression….Murmur’s “I’ll think about it”. Wait impatiently. Wait some more. Follow-up…Or do I spend the money on an email marketing service that does all this for me?
• Email to inquire on availability, attempt to negotiate, ask if another wedding is taking place that same day, if so, what time would I be available to set up, and what time could the JP and florist also arrive, and would the other bride be using the same bridal suite? Heavens no, that shouldn’t happen, and technically doesn’t my bride have “the right of way” because she’s a bride at your venue? Oh and is the A/C working now? Last week you said it wasn’t. It’s only going to be nearing 100 tomorrow….Wait for the response to arrive, then forward to the bride…then resume a back and forth session…Then begin the same frenzy with the groom or mother of the bride….Wait, the A/C is STILL not working? Oh, and the particular icing that is on the cake is not traditional buttercream and therefore will completely melt, not to mention the guests will too? Begin researching rentals of enormous floor fan rentals (and will the venue pay for these, since it’s their faulty A/C that isn’t working?)
•  Bride and Groom are out of state and can only be available for momentary “blips” of skype or Fb sessions…Ever try cake samples this way together?
• Completely horrify the guests when their lovely fish (as in live beta fish) centerpiece completes its suicide mission when it collides with the floating candle…right at the table with children present…Excuse me, excuse me! Hand-held-fish-net-scooper-ma-jig coming through!
• Received a telephone call on a Monday that the groom has decided that he no longer wishes to get married this coming Saturday…As in 5 days before the wedding….Help bride remain calm and composed as much as possible (even offer a shoulder to cry on), while the fingers are simultaneously texting messages, emails, and phone calls to vendors, friends, and guests....Whew!

And for those thinking about a career in wedding planning, consider the costs and efforts on:

Things To Consider When Going Into Business As A Wedding Consultant

• Writing your business plan (my thesis in grad school was cake compared to this)
• Professional education through courses from Association of Bridal Consultants (ABC), American Association of Certified Wedding Planners (become a “certified” wedding planner), Certified Special Events Professional (CSEP), American Academy of Wedding Professionals, as well as hands-on experience/apprenticeships, obtaining certifications (i.e. CPR), and continuing education through seminars, annual conferences – wait, you thought just because you like weddings, and watch TLC, you can be a wedding planner?
•  Legal set up (name search, trademark, licensing, DBA, etc.) and registering your business within the town/city in which you live
• Graphic Designer to create your logo, business cards, flyers, letterhead, etc.
• Website, which includes design (could be your Graphic Designer), domain-name search, monthly hosting fees and webmaster fees, annual renewal for your domain name
•  Insurance (errors & omissions, liability protection and how will you get medical and dental?)
• Association Fees
• Networking (building a network to do business with, networking with other business professionals in the wedding industry, and attending meetings in person or phone conference)
• Computer/Media (laptop, iPad, Smartphone, Skype)
• Social Media: Presence on Facebook, Twitter, Blogging, etc.
• Advertising: The Knot, Google SEO (search engine optimization), wedding magazines/publications, bridal fairs, brochures
• Software (wedding management for clients, bookkeeping, etc.)
• Hiring a tax advisor/accountant
• Vehicle maintenance and repair, not to mention owning a vehicle that’s reliable and roomy to transport needed items (hence why I drive a pick-up truck!)
• Gas and mileage (some events may be way beyond your area, and don’t forget those on-site consultations)

Jenn and Travis hired Down The Aisle 3 months prior to their nuptials for Day-Of Coordination and Decor/Centerpiece Concept. During the initial get together session, Jenn mentioned that "staying on time" and "wow factor" were among the items for priority for their day...The day's events were timely, not to mention Mother Nature cooperated with a warm and sunny beach-y day!

Ceremony. The intimate outdoor ceremony took place on June 4, 2011 under the small willow tree on the grounds of The Lily Lake, Wolcott, CT. http://www.lilylakeinn.com/

Centerpieces. Lovely centerpieces consisting of a shallow cylinder vase with floating candles and glass beads and...a beta fish!! Tall cylinder vase w/ dyed sea-blue water with subermerged white dendrobium orchids and submersible LED's. Votives, Starfish and Fisherman's Netting accented the vases. In the close-up of the centerpieces, you can see the beta fish swimming (on the right side).

Bar Accents (Glassware). Here are some ginormous glassware for the bar!! A margarita glass holds two floating candles (unlit) and the goblet has glass beads, submersible LED and starfish with a floating candle. Looked awesome at night!

Gift Table. The engagement photo sign-in album and Manzanita Tree on the gift table with a framed photo frame of Jenn, Travis with their animal pals (2 dogs and 2 cats). The framed letter explained that in lieu of wedding favors, they made a donation to the local animal shelter in the guests' names. To go along with their animal-shelter theme and their love of animals, the bride made homemade dog bone cookies for each guest!

Manzanita Branches.  Manzanita tree arrangement with seashells, hanging seashell strands, starfish, sandollars, and dendrobium orchids. The sand matches the sand used in Jenn & Travis' sand ceremony.

Cake. Wedding Cake by "Cakes by Vida Doce", Newington , CT...3-tiered buttercream design with edible shells and starfish and the "sand" (brown sugar) to go with it! The couple's initials "JK + TM" were engraved inside a heart at the base of the cake.

Mantle. The mantle in the Fountain Room. Fresh florals and greens, starfish, votives, starfish garland and candles displayed inside the fireplace. Florals provided by O'Rourke & Birch Florist, Inc. Waterbury, CT. http://www.orourkeandbirchflorist.com/

Sweetheart Table. Sweetheart table for the bride and groom in front of the cozy fireplace. Fisherman's netting, starfish and a driftwood votive candleholder sit at the front of their table.

Outdoor Centerpieces. Taking the "Zen" theme to the beach! The outdoor patio tables had rattan centerpieces filled with sand, starfish, shells and seaglass...There was also a life sized sandbox on the patio too for guests (forgot to grab a photo of it)--it was a hit w/ the kids!

BM’s hair.  Loved this updo on one of the bridemaid's!! The gals at The Gallery Salon in Farmington, CT did a fabulous job on the wedding party's hair and make-up! The make-up looked airbrushed, it was so smooth and complimentary! Starfish hair accent matched perfectly with the BM's starfish necklaces given by the Bride as a gift. http://www.gallerysalon.com/

It can be bittersweet, for those who have lost a loved one 

prior to their wedding date. The excitement of the planning can become overshadowed by the sadness of not having that special person to participate. Here are a few tips and suggestions of ways to honor a loved one at your wedding:

• Get married on the birthday, wedding anniversary or other milestone date of your loved one
• Photographs of grandmother and/or father and/or a memorial table including relative’s favorite flowers, photographs, and a brief word or two about them
• Mention them in the ceremony
• Have a poem, quote, or a few lines to honor them in the program
• Decorate a seat at the ceremony to signify their presence; put a photograph of the relatives on each of the seats, if desired
• Light memorial candles for them during the ceremony
• Bride and groom and/or the person conducting the ceremony (especially if this person knew the grandmother and/or father) say a few words or recite a poem or a piece of prose in honor of the deceased relatives
• Attach a small, locket-type picture of the parent/grandparent to the bride’s bouquet and/or the groom can carry small folding frames of the same photos

• Use the deceased parent’s favorite song during the parent bride/groom dance

• Carry the same flowers that the grandmother had in her wedding or wear cufflinks that were the father’s
• Pass out flowers to guests as they are walking in and during a moment in the ceremony, have each person come up and place the flowers in a vase, arch, etc. while mentioning special words regarding the deceased one
• Pass around an article of clothing (i.e., scarf), photo, or other memento during the ceremony to each of the guests
• Carrying the father’s wedding ring in the bouquet or wearing it on a different hand (for the groom)
• Serve as part of the meal a dish that was particularly loved by the relative or that the relative ate at his or her own wedding
• Ask guests for donations to a charity important to the deceased relative in lieu of wedding gifts

Well here it is! My first post on the new website! I thought of providing a few tips for invitation etiquette, fresh from my visit with a new bride yesterday.

Your invitations set the tone and provide a preview of what guests should expect, so be consistent...

An embossed/engraved invitation to a Sunday morning brunch wedding would be out of place, just as a handmade invitation with a tear-off RSVP card would be too casual for a formal for a semi-formal or formal wedding.

Oh, and Evite’s are out of the question! And please do not include information about requesting cash, gifts, or registry information on the invitation, that is mentioned via word-of-mouth, or included with the shower invitations. And lastly, no stick-on labels printed from your home computer to address the envelope, no matter how much time it may save.

• When ordering invitations, plan on at least 3 to 4 months for arrival 
• Send invitations 6 to 8 weeks ahead of the wedding date 
• Consider a “Save-The-Date” a must for a wedding which falls on a holiday/holiday weekend. Speaking of “Save-The-Date” cards, everyone who receives one should also receive an invitation to the wedding, but not everyone who receives an invitation requires a Save-The-Date.  
• No punctuations are included except for Mr., Mrs. Ms., Jr., Sr., Dr., Rev. 
• Half hours are written as “half after five o’clock” and not as “half past five” 
• If you want to save on costs, include both the ceremony and reception information on the same invitation. “RSVP”, “R.S.V.P.”, “R.s.v.p.” and “The favour of a reply is requested” are all equally correct.  
• Use “honour of your presence” for ceremonies taking place in a house of worship, and “the pleasure of your company” for anywhere else
• The word “to” connecting the bride’s name to the groom’s name is replaced by “and” for Jewish wedding ceremonies
• Do not list the bride’s last name unless it is different than the hosts’
• Children over thirteen should receive their own invitation, if possible (even if they still live at home). For joint siblings, address the outer envelope as “The Missess Fusco” or “The Messrs. Fusco” and “Susan and Connor” for the inner envelope.

Traditional

Mr. and Mrs. Allen Adams

request the honour of your presence

at the marriage of their daughter

Maggie Anne

to

Mr. Calvin Michael Sampson

Saturday, the twelfth of January

two thousand twelve

at half after six o’clock

St. Bridget’s Church

Old Saybrook, Connecticut

Combining Ceremony & Reception On One Invite:

Mr. and Mrs. Allen Adams

request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter

Maggie Anne

to

Mr. Calvin Michael Sampson

Saturday, the twelfth of January

two thousand twelve

at half after six o’clock

St. Bridget’s Church

Old Saybrook, Connecticut

and afterward at the reception

The Antique Cottage, Groton Connecticut

RSVP
455 Freestone Lane
Bristol, Connecticut 06010

When Couple Issues Own Invites:

The honour of your presence

is requested

at the marriage of

Miss Janelle Lynn Monk

to

Mr. Robert Scott Rudders…

Or

Miss Janelle Lynn Monk

and

Mr. Robert Scott Rudders

request the honour of your presence
at their marriage…

Or

Together with their parents

Miss Janelle Lynn Monk

and

Mr. Robert Scott Rudders

invite you to share

the joy of their marriage…

Wording When Bride Has Only One Living Parent

Mrs. Sandra Watson Smith

requests the honour of your presence

at the marriage of her daughter

Cynthia Amy

to

Mr. Justin Robert Stykes

Or

Cynthia Amy Bradstone (bride)

Daughter of Sandra Watson Smith and the late Edward Smith

and

Justin Robert Stykes (groom)

request the pleasure of your company

At their marriage…

Groom’s Family Hosts

Mr. and Mrs. Samuel Diaz

request the honor of your presence

at the marriage uniting

Miss Karla Alice Bryers

to

their son

Edgar Fernando Diaz…

Groom in Military

For officers whose rank is Captain or higher (Army, Air Force, Marines) or Lieutenant or higher (Navy), list the rank on the same line as the name:

Captain Brian Sellworth
United States Army

For junior personnel, the rank and branch of service are printed below their name:

Brian Sellworth

Corporal, United States Air Force

When the bride is active duty, list both her rank and branch in the invitation:

marriage of their daughter

Jessica Marie

Lieutenant, United States Army

Belated Reception (marriage takes place earlier)

Mr. and Mrs. Frank Saltz

request the pleasure of your company

at a reception

in honor of

Mr. and Mrs. Craig Urban…

Addressing Outer Envelopes:

Married Couple: Mr. and Mrs. Simon Frost (Inner: Mr. and Mrs. Frost)

Male Doctor: Doctor or Dr. and Mrs. Simon Frost (Inner: Dr. and Mrs. Frost)
Female Doctor: Doctor or Dr. Lisa Frost and Mr. Simon Frost (Inner: Dr. and Mr. Frost)

Unmarried Couples Co-Habiting: Mr. Alex Crier 
                                                Ms. Jennifer Stella
                                                123 Main Street

                               (Inner: Mr. Crier and Miss Stella)

Clergy: The Reverend Michael Holster and Mrs. Shirley Holster Or The Reverend and Mrs. Shirley Holster (Inner: Rev. Holster and Mrs. Holster)